How gender bias and stereotypes shape girls’ identity and self of self
Girls are not born with lower self-esteem and less able to be themselves than boys are. In fact, girls often tell us they strongly believe they can be and do anything and should not be limited by their gender.
“We should have just as much as rights as boys. We shouldn’t be told we can’t do things because they might hurt us or they’re not suitable. We should have the same rights and be able to do whatever boys do.” – GFS girl
Girls’ ability to be themselves doesn’t disappear overnight. So, where exactly does the problem start?
It starts long before girls realise it’s happening – it can begin with girls feeling unable to put a hand up in class, or not feeling good enough as their handwriting is slow, or not wanting to play sports after being told she is bad at them.
“I get frustrated because I’m slow at handwriting and I feel like I could do better if I could write quicker.” – GFS girl
From a young age, girls already know what gender stereotypes are and have some idea of how women and girls have been limited by them throughout history, but as they grow up, girls’ confidence and belief in themselves is slowly chipped away at by gender stereotypes.
All the while, social pressures and gendered expectations shape their understanding of who they’re ‘supposed’ to be.
Though girls can identify stereotypes and resist sexist ideas of what is and isn’t ‘for them’, gender stereotypes and bias remain present in the experiences they tell us, and in how they describe themselves and others.
“I’m a tomboy because I like boy stuff, like catapulting. With more girly things, I only like shopping. Some people don’t like it because they come up to me and say ‘urgh you’re a tomboy.’ Some people will bully you for it.” – GFS girl
Girls recognise that they can do the same things as boys, even if they choose not to. But these choices are influenced from a young age.
Girls are constantly being told they’re equal in society, but the reality of gender norms in day-to-day life have not caught up.
“Girls have to keep doing stuff that boys want to do and listening to them, because in the world boys are in charge.” – GFS girl
This leaves girls and young women fighting an uphill battle to reach the same options and opportunities boys and young men have.
“Boys think they’re better than us cos they’re stronger. I think it’s stupid because it’s not true…we can be smarter and get better jobs, we can be the boss of a company one day and they are just strong.” – GFS girl
The impact of gender bias starts small, but it quickly snowballs into a cycle of inequality.
Low confidence and self-esteem hold girls back, causing them to avoid social situations, things they find challenging or trying new things altogether.
Some girls consciously mask their true feelings or behaviour because they are worried about what others think or have had bad experiences when people have reacted negatively to them.
“People think I’m different because I like to express myself and they say calm down. I mask the way I like to express myself (flapping), so people don’t see it and judge me. I only do it in front of my best friend and my mum.” – GFS girl
This can be a particularly problematic for girls with additional needs, where any behaviour that is perceived to be ‘different’ can make girls a target.
In the long term, this pattern of behaviour can reinforce their underlying doubts and fears, harming their mental health and leading to conditions like anxiety and depression. It also teaches negative coping mechanisms, like avoidance.
“A bad day at school makes me feel angry and uncontrollable. People laugh at me and I get into trouble for crying. Sometimes I don’t go into school if I feel really bad.” -GFS girl
Girls were three times as likely to experience serious emotional difficulties than boys.
With 75% of girls with low self-esteem reported engaging in negative activities like cutting, bullying, smoking, drinking, or disordered eating.
Limitations on self-expression impact the way girls behave and can leave girls struggling.
Inequalities and gender stereotypes within the school environment teach girls to limit themselves.
A quarter of all secondary school teachers say they witness gender stereotyping and discrimination in their school daily, with an additional quarter saying they see it weekly.
“Yesterday the girls went to do a cricket tournament at school and when we came back, the boys got to have free time all day, but we had to do work.” – GFS girl
Meanwhile, over a third of primary school teachers say they see gender stereotyping in their school weekly, with over half say they witness it on at least a termly basis.
In 2021, The Big Ask found that only 54% of girls say they are happy at school and more recently, Plan UK found that for over 1/3 of girls, school is the part of life they worry about most.
“I write songs and sing but people have teased me for my singing videos on YouTube and laughed at me so now I don’t sing at school.”
Over one in three girls often don’t take part in fun activities because they feel self-conscious. Meanwhile, girls increasingly fear being criticised for how they look and are changing their behaviour. 31% of girls aged 11-21 say it stops them from speaking up in class, according to Girl Guiding.
“When I talk to my friends, I feel normal but when I have to talk in front of my class, I feel like it sounds weird in my head and it makes me talk weirdly.” – GFS girl
Pressures and concerns around appearance can affect girls’ happiness and wellbeing to such a degree that it holds them back from real life opportunities.
Plan UK found that because of worries about their appearance, one in six girls have missed school or work, and that 37% of girls are not happy with how they look. For 52% of 12-21 year olds, this is the thing they worry about the most.
“The worst thing about being girl is being insecure about yourself and feeling ugly.” – GFS girl
While the Children’s Society found that girls are twice as likely to be unhappy with their appearance than boys, girls feel they have greater freedom of self-expression in their appearance. Girls told us this was a positive part of girlhood that they could share with one another.
“Women and girls have more options in fashion, whereas boys just have to wear a suit. Say you were going to prom, all boys can wear is a suit, but girls can wear whatever they want – a suit, a dress, a shirt… it’s more boring for the boys.” – GFS girl
However, the reality is that the expectations on girls can make this very challenging.
Paying attention to how they look starts from a young age and girls recognise how this focus on appearance, both from themselves and from others, can lead to judgement and the pressure to look perfect all the time.
A third of girls (32%) told Girl Guiding they considered changing their appearance to feel more accepted and fit in, and even at age 7-10, 32% of girls worry about not looking good enough, rising to 67% of girls aged 11-16.
“You can’t be different to anyone else. If you’re at work or at school you have to wear the same outfit as everyone else to fit in.” – GFS girl
Girls as young as eight have told us they feel like there is no ‘right’ way to be, however they choose to look or dress, as a result of this social pressure. Girls are expected to both reject and embody beauty ideals at the same time.
As these experiences build up, little girls become teenage girls who have learned it’s wrong to be themselves.
“Girls get body-shamed a lot. If they wear tank tops, they’re desperate and if you wear baggy clothes, you’re ‘pick me’… and girls say that and say that other girls are being dramatic, they play along to impress boys even though it’s not their personality.” – GFS girl
Until around age 12, girls and boys have virtually the same levels of confidence, but between ages eight and 14, girls’ confidence levels drop by 30%. Teen years are hard for children of all genders but once girls enter the crisis of confidence, their confidence never catches back up to boys’.
“Girls have to have perfect hair all the time, but boys can just wake up and their hair is ready to go but we have to be perfect.” – GFS girl
Adult women do eventually reach similar confidence levels as men, but this doesn’t happen until women reach their mid 40s. This sharp decline in confidence heavily impacts girls’ identity, how they view themselves and their abilities.
Girls are very aware of how they’re perceived by others, among both their friends and peers – this can be good or bad.
On the plus side, good friendships can help girls feel accepted for who they are and teach them to better express their feelings, which is why GFS spent the last academic year teaching girls all about navigating friendships.
“Girl friendships are different to boy friendships. I feel like boys don’t tend to have long friendships and they go from different friends from time to time. Once they have an argument, they’re done for, but girls always forgive each other and once they find a best friend they stick with them forever.” – GFS girl
Girls recognise that sometimes they can be misunderstood, and this can impact their relationships, creating anxiety around their words and behaviour, particularly in times of conflict. Many girls struggle with trust, as a result.
“In my friendship group, two friends are always arguing and me and my other friend have to choose sides and get caught in the middle. I try to keep out of it and just hang out with my other friend. People will hate you if you choose a side. They argue basically every day.” – GFS girl
Though friendship is a key part of girls’ happiness, girls are often left feeling like they must manage their behaviour and friendships with other girls carefully to avoid being judged or falling out. This re-enforces to girls that they will not be accepted for themselves.
“I worry that people might judge me if I’m too confident. There is lots of girl drama in year 7 and lots of girls strongly dislike each other and I worry that I’ll get caught up in the drama. I’m scared to make new friends because I worry about how I should be.” – GFS girl
Girls have little access to support prior to reaching their tweens and teens – when the damage to their confidence and sense of identity has already been done.
But early age support can make a world of difference.
By the time girls reach GFS, they’ve already learned gender biases and stereotypes to some extent. But by working with young girls to teach them resilience and life skills, we’re giving girls the confidence they need to be themselves.
“Don’t expect girls to be a certain way, they can look and dress how they want.” – GFS girl
This also gives girls the ability to recognise and challenge bias and stereotypes when they see it in themselves and others.
GFS provides a safe space where girls feel able to be themselves without fear of judgement.
They experience a sense of freedom and feel able to relax.
For some, this empowers them beyond their group and helps them feel less worried about what others think.
“My confidence in my social life (has grown) since before I came to GFS. When I went back to school, I put my hand up more.” – GFS girl
Although girls as young as eight have clearly told us how gender stereotypes and inequality influence their lives, girls remain overlooked by decision-makers at all levels. This leaves girls feeling voiceless. But at GFS, we believe girl voices are not something to be ignored.
“GFS keeps me afloat when everything else is hard.”- GFS girl
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To find out more about how GFS groups work, go here. Or go here to find your nearest GFS group.